What I've Learned From Marriage

Chris and I have officially been married one year! This obviously makes me an expert. I was twenty-six when I got married, which is a lot older than I expected, and the more I think about it, not old enough. The one lesson I have definitely learned? MARRIAGE IS HARD. A lot harder than being single! Dealing with someone else's schedule, socks, farts, and dirty dishes is hard. Don't get me wrong, I love Chris with all of my heart, but I'm a realistic person. The honest truth is, marriage is hard because Chris sees the real me, everyday. Before we were married, he saw the me the way I wanted him to. I always wore cute clothes, make-up, and I was a happy, cheerful person - mostly. I was even a lot skinnier!

I am not a monster. I like to think that I'm generally a happy, caring person that looks on the bright side of life. BUT I have bad days. I have faults. Every so often I will get hung up on something I shouldn't. Sometimes I am a selfish, terrible person to be around. And now Chris sees this part of me. It's hard. I want to push him away, and hide. But I can't...

Realization: Chris can't see the best part of me, unless he knows the worst. He has to know all of me. Lucky guy gets the good along with the bad. I am, however, working on those parts of me that would be considered imperfect. I want to be happier and more caring. I don't want dark moments in life any more than the next person, but sometimes they are inevitable. Opposition is an important and needed part of life.

I have been stretched a lot this year, as Chris and I have found things that have caused some strain. With that  stretching has come a lot of growth. I have heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest, and I sincerely hope so! It has been down right hard sometimes. I am grateful for that, but I'm grateful that we are, hopefully, over the bumpiest part.

Here is to forever!

March- In Like a Lion

Chris and I were just talking about how much our lives have changed in the last year. I have never been more grateful for the man that I married, and how well he treats me. Four more days and we will be a year down, forever to go!

So, about these changes. First of all, I have hated really disliked the coffee table that Chris had before we got married. It is old, ratty, and the fact that he got it at DI seven years ago didn't do it any favors. However, I do love a good deal, and since it is still sturdy, I couldn't justify throwing it out. So, I decided to try something. Without telling Chris. The weekend he went with the scouts to go camp, in the non-existent snow, for their klondike, I went to the hardware store and I bought chalk paint. After spending hours on Pinterest, I was practically a chalk paint pro.The hardest part was choosing a color that I liked, and that I thought would match the conglomerate of stuff in our living room. Let's face it, however, anything would have been better than the original table.

So here is my masterpiece. Chris was a little surprised when he came home. Having a blue table has been  interesting to get used to, but guys, I LOVE IT! I have complained over and over again about how much I hate the white walls in our place. This table really helps! And the paint job saved the tables life in our home. Also, it was sooo easy! No sanding, and the paint dried quickly!

Another change in my life is the selling of "my" car - Stella. Chris makes fun of me for being so attached to her, but she honestly came into my life at a time when I really and truly needed something good. I had been rear-ended by someone who was texting instead of worrying about driving, and had whip lash for about two weeks, and I still have PTSD. I needed something I could trust. Along came Stella. She will be missed extremely. I loved her power, her sleek look, and the fact that I dind't have a dig a key out of my bag every time I wanted to get in - I just pushed buttons. We have replaced her with "our" car, so now Chris can say that instead of saying it's mine. Which is a good thing I guess, he feels a little more responsible for it. We are hoping that now we will be able to get out of debt a lot faster. The light is at the end of the tunnel, and I am so danged excited! 

Our "new" car

In other news, the day after Chris got home from the klondike, it started to rain. Monday morning, we woke up to about four or five inches of snow - an unheard of amount in Montezuma Creek! The district called a snow day for the entire county, and by the time we went out to play, we had over 13 inches. It has been a long time since I have seen that much snow, and I was a little excited. I may have annoyed poor Chris with "Do You Want to Build a Snowman??" And have often teased him about how the klondike was a week early. 

 

And my teaser for the day is: Chris and I, after a lot of deliberation and talking have finally decided that, for spring break, we would go to DISNEYLAND! I had already made reservations in a hotel in Buena Park by Knott's Berry Farm, and we knew we wanted to go there, however, we weren't sure about splurging for tickets for Disneyland. They are too expensive! So, my goal this week is figuring out how to save money on food and make travel fun! We will be stopping at Joshua Tree National Park on the way down for some night pictures and camping fun, then onward to the beach! Anniversary post to come. :) 

Manhattan Anniversary

I have only been to New York City once. It was amazing. If you haven't read Our Story yet, you probably should, especially if you don't know how Chris proposed.

On Friday, Chris took me to the bustling city of Cortez for a much needed date. We bought for fish for our tank, went to Wal-Mart, and then to our favorite place to eat there, J Fargos. On the way home, I realized that the anniversary of our amazing trip to New York had come and gone, and I hadn't even realized it. Meaning, of course, that I can never get mad at my husband for forgetting important dates. As I have looked back at how much has changed since that day, I am amazed that only a year has passed; it has felt like a lot more. I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been hard, but I'm so grateful for how much I have grown. It has definitely been forced growth, but I am becoming something amazing. Hopefully not an amazing pain in the rear for Chris...

The questions have started to come about where we will be for next year, if we are staying in the area, when are we going to have babies, and who did we cheer for in the Super Bowl?

First of all, a lot will depend on what happens with my internship next fall. I really want to be able to get a job, so I can be paid while I finish school, however, if not, I will work in the most advantageous place I can, hopefully, getting my foot in the door for a job the next year. We plan to stay here for the immediate future, and have even talked about buying a house, however, this will probably not be a permanent thing, but really, only time will tell. You know us, we don't plan much ahead of time. We like to fly by the seat of our pants. :)

Secondly, we are currently trying to keep a tank of fish alive. We have already had to offer up 5 little things to the porcelain fish graveyard. We are pretty sure that we will be loosing a few more in the near future. Because of this track record, we aren't sure we can be entrusted with the care of an actual human baby. Seriously, though, we are waiting until I am at least out of school. I have ten months left, and then I am hoping to be able to work some - you know, putting that expensive degree to use. If you've noticed the weight gain, no worries, it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with a baby, just laziness  lack of exercise, a sit down job, and commuting. I'm working on that, and hope to be back to my old unhealthily-eating-but-running self soon.

Finally, I know you were all dying to hear this answer. Neither of our teams were playing in the Super Bowl this year, unfortunately. Therefore, we cheered for the team that didn't cheat to get there. That's right, I said it. The worst part, however, is the fact that we cheered for a team that couldn't make the right call to run it, when it counted. So... Guess we all have something to learn in the end.

I hope y'all have an amazing Groundhog's Day! Pray that we really have six more weeks of winter, with LOTS of snow! We like drinking water in the summer time...

Family Creed

So, this summer we went to visit Chris's cousin in San Antonio. Along with amazing food (like Gumbo!), great company, and awesome activities, we also had some good discussion. His cousin and her husband had put together a family creed that was hanging in their dining room. While sitting at the table, there is no way you can miss it. I fell in love with the idea, and absolutely loved a few of their resolutions. I was determined to have my own family creed, and Chris and I talked about it quite a bit during the next few weeks. However, like all things, it got lost along the path of life. Then, a few weeks ago, I was perusing the news and came across an article that talked about how studies have shown that having a family motto, goals, or a creed in plain view of the family, helps children as they grow. I cannot find that article now - rest assured I am still looking - however, it renewed the desire to have my own. Although, Chris and I are far from having children,  I love the idea of having an inspiring reminder of what we stand for. Especially hanging in a vocal point of our home. I think it's far from being completed, and I am still looking for the perfect place to get it printed (and decide if I want an actual print, a canvas, or..... ?). I wanted to  share it here, however, in the hopes that maybe it inspires some of you. I looked into having it designed and printed by an etsy shop, however, I don't have that kind of money to throw around, even on something I think is so important. So, I took one of our wedding photos taken by Illuminated Moments, and made it myself! What do you think?

Confessions of a Teacher's Wife

My dad was an elementary school teacher for over 30 years. So, I thought I knew what I was getting into when I married a teacher. I did not expect him to have the hours of a lawyer or a doctor. The only work that I imagined him bringing home was the piles of homework that his students were so excited to do - and we would sit together with red pens and have a fun time grading together. One thing for sure,  I definitely didn't think that his work would impact my life that much. I have learned a lot.

First of all, Chris probably works 10-12 hours a day. When I am in class 5-10 PM on Tuesdays, he stays in his classroom and has a "late day" to catch up, and hopefully get a little ahead for the week. I think it's safe to say that he spends 60-70 hours in his classroom. Every morning, when I make him cuddle with me for "just five more minutes", he always says, "I really, really need to go, I have soooo much to do!" And then he groans. I have come to realize that a teacher's work is never done, especially when his school has the School Improvement Grant and they are expected to raise test scores so much. It's a lot of pressure. There is always the hope that if he continues to teach the same grade, he will already have lesson plans made from the previous year, and he won't have as much planning to do in the future.

Chris rarely brings work home. Which is a big reason why he stays at the school so much. He would rather leave work at work. Which I appreciate, but I do miss him a lot. I am realistic enough, however, to know that he wouldn't get anything done if he did bring it home. I'm the typical girl that is talking his ear off about my day and my big ideas from the minute he walks in the door, until we go to sleep. I would be too distracting for him to get anything done while at home.

As a school counselor in training, I am reading a lot about school interventions and about helping students be successful. Often, Chris and I will discuss problems that he is experiencing. Most of our discussions now revolve around his work, my work, and what I am learning in class. I feel like we are two nerdy educators trying to solve world hunger. I don't think there is one magic pill to fix the education system, and daily I see the desire that Chris has to be the best teacher, and instill the love of education into his students' minds. I see the frustration he has when they don't listen, or they under perform on benchmark tests. I definitely see the worry on his face, as the year is half over, and he feels like he isn't making a difference.

I have always known that being a teacher is a thankless job. Even if you look at their pay, it wouldn't be hard to figure that out. Especially if you knew the hours they kept. As a social scientist, I make it my unofficial job to be a stalker people watcher. I observe habits and lifestyles of everyone I see. Because I live in teacher housing, and usually can make it home before most of the teachers, I notice when they get home. It is, more often than not, long after their contract says they can go home. Hours and hours and hours of unpayed work is happening, just with the few teachers in my housing complex.

So, here is my big shout out to my favorite teacher. I think it's safe to say that I have a ginormous crush on him, and I write his name in my notebook all of the time (you know, surrounded by hearts and winky faces). I am grateful for the desire he has to be an amazing teacher, and change the world, one student at a time. I am also so glad for his work ethic, and that he is an amazingly hard worker. I'm grateful for all teachers, that give so much of their own time, most of the time at the expense of their families. Thanks for helping shape the future world.

I am Grateful for my Marriage

We've all had them. Fantasies of living happily ever after with Prince Charming, or the beautiful princess. Disney rarely shows what happens after a couple walks hand in hand into the sunset - unless it's the terrible and very unrealistic sequel. I had heard that marriage was difficult. Especially that first year. As I stand here, nearly on the other side of that foreboding year, I am amazed at how far Chris and I have come these last nine months. It has definitely been hell, hard, trying, difficult, impossible, and oh, so incredible. 

I loved Chris before we got married. As corny as all those country love songs are, they are right. The love I felt that day in the temple cannot compare to what I feel now. Chris and I have held each other through tears, heartache, and pain. We’ve seen each other at our very lowest. Forgiveness has definitely been a big part of our marriage, and compromise is essential every single day. I have learned how selfish I can be, and how selfless Chris is.

As Thanksgiving passed, I thought about how much things have changed for me in the last year. How much I have changed. And as I look forward to Christmas, and the celebration of the birth of our Savior, I am struck by the miracles I am witnessing daily. Our purpose on this earth is to learn and grow – to become like our Father in heaven.  This life is a test. Quick analogy. I had to take the MAT to apply for graduate school. The purpose of the test was to see if I would be able to handle the rigors of graduate school. Supposedly, there is a direct correlation with how well you do on the test, and how well you will do in graduate school. Often, when times get hard in my classes, I think about that test and my score. I did surprisingly and amazingly well. Sometimes, remembering that is all I need to remember that I am good enough to be where I am now. In life, things are hard. Trials will and do come. But we survived our first test in the pre-mortal life. We are good enough to be here. And now we are proving to ourselves that we are good enough to live with Heavenly Father again.   

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be married to one of the best men I know. He isn’t perfect, but he’s exactly what I needed to help me become the person that I want to be. We are growing together, in more ways than one. 

Reminded

Over the last little while, life has been hard for me. I feel like I have just been waiting for graduate school to end, so then I can have time to breathe, or even to be able to cut my toe nails or pluck my eyebrows when I want to would be nice, not to mention being able to spend quality time with my husband more than a few hours during the work week. Life is hectic.

 I usually listen to an audio book while I drive, however last night I didn't have time to find another one to check out and download in time, so I popped in a mission CD and jammed along. It's amazing the memories that I have associated with each song, but the overall feelings was one of peace and comfort.

 Sometimes I forget how much I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes I forget how much Heavenly Father loves me. And sometimes, I forget that I'm happier when I am selfless. It is rare that I have a minute to myself that isn't full of a list of things to do, and I have resented that. I am not a perfect person, but today I was reminded of a simple truth - I'm not here to just coast through life and survive until I finish school, I am here to make a difference, small as it may be. I am grateful for the things I learned about my Savior on my mission. That has been the biggest blessing in my life. I have seen the healing power of the atonement and the sweet workings of the spirit too many times to deny the truth. I want to be better. Especially at putting the Savior and his work first in my life. Chris has always been great at reminding me of this, but sometimes I don't take it to heart. This morning, I finally took it to my heart, and hopefully it stays for awhile.

"He has sounded forth the trumpet that shall never all retreat; He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgement-seat: Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! Be jubilant, my feet! Our God is marching on."